I am...

...SICK!!

sniff...sniff...

This is Hilarious!

These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
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The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
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The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
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Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
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The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and ot her items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.
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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
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The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours"

Currently listening to... Cartel

http://www.purevolume.com/cartel

How To Become The 'Perfect' Lover

I was browsing through blogs and I came across a few people who got tagged to list their top 5 criteria in what they looked for in The Perfect Lover.I decided to come up with a slightly different list. Why? 'Coz finding the perfect lover seems almost impossible as I don't think there is ever such a person. I figured why not look within me for what I may possibly have to offer, and list my top 5 ways of being best lover I can attempt to be!

So, in no particular order of importance...*ahem* :

1. I must be the one who loves God with all my heart first.
Whether she does or not, that's her responsibility, not mine. A friend once mentioned that spiritual compatibility involves both parties not having to worry about or take responsibility for the other person's spiritual growth. Its ok to challenge each other to grow in God but once you start carrying the other person's weight then you are carrying more than you should! I figured that if she didn't really love God, I wouldn't have married her in the first place.

2. Love her even on smelly, booger-filled-nose days.
'Coz if I can love her then, I think I'll be able to love her even when her wrinkles resemble the Himalayas, or when she nags faster than she can construct sentences, or even when she snores up storms and earthquakes every night.

3. Find special ways to communicate with her.
If words won't do, maybe dancing will. I don't know. When all else fails, just love her anyway la. How, is where things get really interesting. *wink*

4. Do things for her "just because".
For example, cook her extra delicious meals! They say the way to man's heart is through his stomach, but I reckon women are the same too! This is surely the way to get something I want. :D

5. Look my best for her at all times.
And for myself too, of course. I don't understand why some people bother to look so good for the rest of the world, but not for their significant other. If it makes her happy, then I'll be happy too. And a happy partner would make her happier in return. It's neverending happiness! Hehe :D

Ooh ooh!There's one more!!

6. Be her Number One Fan!! :D
See, If this girl was a keeper and the person I chose to marry eventually, I should be her absolute no.1 fan. I would definitely adore her the most of all, and all the time!

So there. Call me idealistic. But these are just few of the million things I hope to do for HER. And perhaps, in return, I would be loved in the measure that i love her. *blissful sigh*

Why you should procrastinate

Got this from a recent email...

Why you should procrastinate:

1. Your heart beats faster. Higher heartrate equals to exercise done to heart. People who exercise are healthy people. You become healthier!
2. You drink more coffee in order to attempt to stay up. More coffee = more liquids. Therefore, you fulfill your quota of water intake for the day.
3. You become instant friends with other people who procrastinate. If you finished your work early, you'd probably make more enemies instead. Conclusion: your social life gets better!
4. You don't reply friends' emails for ages. As they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder. By not replying instantly, people think of you more often (whether they are thoughts of evil or not doesn't matter...at least they are thinking of you). It definitely strengthens ties.
5. You use more perfume because you don't have time to bathe. Hence again, you are benefiting the economy.
6. You kick yourself 10 times for not starting earlier. Therefore, toning thigh and calf muscles.
7. You wear spectacles, grandfather slippers, forget to comb your hair and not brush your teeth. This is perfect training for identifying with the poor and homeless. You are definitely on the way to becoming an effective charity-worker.
8. You pray more frequently (and more desperately). God would definitely be pleased. =P

Revived?...

it's been a while... it's been a pretty long while...

My topsy-turvy week

Busy busy busy... as busy as a bee!! Hence the blog hibernation... anyways, week 12 of uni was officially my worst week of uni!! Assignments, tests, the whole lot... and that bundled with a deprivation of sleep and entertainment made Dan a miserable boy... glad assignments are finally out of the way and i can fully focus on my exams, though i'm not looking forward to that either...

Thank God my week did end on a better note. Attended a men's conference at City Life church along with a whole bunch of OCF guys on Friday and Saturday. Men's night out!! Dave Dowry, Phil Dooley n Bishop Joseph Garlington gave awesome messages on embracing your life purpose, living a life of integrity and to stand up and be counted. Its always great to be able to learn from awesome men of God!! My Sunday wasn't too bad either. Went for Planet Shakers City Church's launching of their new album, Pick It Up!! Then after church a few of us went over to Peggen's where Hui Li cooked up an awesome dinner!! Thanks Hui Li!! We then watched Pirates of the Carribean before calling it a night... i could not have asked for a better way to end a week!! :D

On a more serious note, i just thought i'd share some of my thoughts on an area i've been challenged with this weekend... my personal integrity... Integrity is defined to be a state of wholeness, soundness, uprightness, and total honesty. Do my words and deeds match up? Do what i say coincide with what i do? One too many times i've found myself giving in to grey areas in my life, when situations do not present a clear black or white answer. I've found myself saying i won't do or say certain things and yet going ahead with it nevertheless, only to feel devastated that i've let myself down. Pastor Dave Dowry mentioned that every area of our life is connected and we cannot compensate one weakness with another strength. This includes the areas of finances and work ethics (Acts 20:33), relationships (Matt 18:15), and emotions too (Prov 16:32)!! I know that i am human and mistakes are bound to happen, but my prayer is that I will be strong in upholding the stands that i have made, and strong in taking up my cross. At the end of the day, i wanna be an accountable testimony for Christ, that people around me will "know how i have lived" (Acts 20:18) for the glory of God.

Dear Jesus... if this world was my stage... i will choose to live my life for the audience of One...

Words of wisdom

If your lips would keep from slips,
Five things observe with care,
To whom you speak,
Of whom you speak,
And how, and when, and where.

William Norris

The tongue has the power of life and death,
and those who love it will eat its fruit.

Proverbs 18:21 (New International Version)